bathos,
coffee,
chocolate, and sweet desires
quiet,
books,
reminisces, and poetry
water,
blood,
laughter,
blazes, candles and hot long nights.
this is how my summer has been;
and you are somewhere in between.
9:45AM, it was raining.
the roads were wet, the whole world was breathless.
I looked for a shelter, and there it was, a metro station.
I head there. empty-faced people run past me, and I can’t
help but wonder, why do they look so empty
who took everything out of them?
Why do they look like they’re waiting for something?
am I waiting for something too?
10:12AM, I was waiting.
my mind was slowly shutting down
after I’ve let myself drown
In the stranger’s ever-growing sadness
It was driving me to madness.
I needed to flee. I needed to runaway
from their razor-sharp stares.
their invisible tears,
their never-ending fears.
Give me liberty, or give me a train that goes to Oxford Street.
10:34AM, the rain stopped.
I was loyal to my promises, to the construction of my
words and to my thoughts. I thought it was safe to get
out of hiding and believe again; but it was not.
The birds that once sang every morning are now gone,
the laughs that filled the walls of my room turned to cries,
and my love, oh, my love is now my greatest distress.
And after I healed my frostbites from
your cold touch, your
stinging ghost followed
me home.
A cold-blooded guest that
was not welcomed in my
household.
It hummed all night,
it visited me in my sleep
It crawled in my bed
and whispered in a deep
voice all the words that
would make me weep
all night long.
If she is brave enough
to reveal her fragile side
to you, be man enough
to handle it with care.
Do not use it against her,
do not make her regret
what she shared.
Accept her gift of courage
and return it with love,
show her despite her flaws
she’s still more than
enough.
I was promised that
I would be the new
dead thing that
they’d whisper its
name every night.
I took mercy on myself.
and when I look at you,
that is the scariest thing
I could ever do. And when
I smile, my mind goes blank
and I remember, I am the new dead
thing that will grow sharp in every
mouth. I took mercy on myself.
I took mercy on me.
Do you know the reasons why I look up at the sky?
because it haunts me.
It’s actually funny..
The day you lose someone isn’t the worst.
It’s all the days you look up at the sky
and their memories haunt your thoughts.
Here I am, looking up at the sky
It’s 11:05PM, and the sky is too quiet.
I am haunted by the thought of you, again.
“And when love came to us twice
and lied to us twice
we decided to never love again
that was fair
fair for us
and fair to love itself.
We ask for no mercy or no
miracles;
we are strong enough to live
and to die and to
kill flies,
attend the box matches, go to the racetrack,
live on luck and skill,
get alone, get alone often,
and if you cant sleep alone
be careful of the words you speak in your sleep;
and
ask for no mercy
no miracles;
and don’t forget:
time is meant to be wasted,
love fails
and death is useless.”
― Charles Bukowski, What Matters Most is How Well You Walk Through the Fire
How strange it must be.
How strange it must be to not understand your own self. And how frustrating it is to hear people claim that they understand you. No, you don’t. I don’t either. One’s self is a great mystery. A complicated mystery. I am a mystery. You are a mystery, too. So how strange it must be for people to claim that they understand someone’s inner self when in fact they only see what that person chose to share. You’ve only heard what they chose to say in order to improve the silence. It was words that you fell for. Impressions that fooled you. In the end, your claims are not valid. You do not know the deep hell a person has been through, or the miracles someone was blessed with. You only know the mask they chose to wear in front of you.
When we’re young, we jump into the pool whether we can swim or not. We take risks, and we have no fear whatsoever. It’s like, we either swim or we drown. Now that we’ve grown up, we became more cautious. We become aware of ourselves and surroundings. In maturity we began to calculate risks and try to avoid them. We began to look for the safer options, and the more easy ones. That is not a way to live. Making the safe decision is boring and predictable. It leads to nowhere new. As Paul Arden once said that, “The unsafe decision causes you to think and respond in a way you hadn’t thought of.”. It doesn’t necessarily have to be a bad decision, it just needs to be a decision full of risks that will take you to a place others only dream of being. There is no chance that you are doing the wrong thing. No. Chances are, you’re risking all you’ve got to a great deal of something. Just like there is no right point of view. There is no wrong point of view, too. Whether it’s a popular point of view, or a personal one, you are always wrong and you are always right. So, look at the water once again. Will you jump recklessly, or will you check the depth first?
I say dip a toe in so that you have a better idea what it is you’re jumping into, and then jump with all you’ve got.
Salma 